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  • Writer's pictureMonica Mahi Mathijs

Regaining Control When All Feels Out of Control


Regaining control in moments of uncertainty

In those times when we cannot control what is going on around us, we feel fearful, angry, frustrated and sad.


From watching the intensity of current world events, experiencing a loved one pass away, serious illness, losing a job, to not being able to have a baby - all these experiences can create a sense of pain and despair.


We feel like we are running around clueless, lost, powerless to wanting to scream at the top of our lungs, asking, “why?”


We may find ourselves trying to be strong for others, trying to fix everything or saying what we think are the right things. And still get them wrong.


Maybe we cannot control what is going on around us, and perhaps we want to be able to do so much more; in these times, we can start to pay attention to who is around us and what is going on within us.


We cannot be helpful to ourselves and others if we are full of rage, anger, blame, vengefulness and more.


We don’t want someone to say everything will be okay because this sense of positive bias can make us feel worse and doesn’t actually help us.


How to start regaining control?


We can search for ways to turn these emotions into something else. By turning within ourselves, we learn the need for self-care.


  • Say how you feel to yourself by giving words to your feelings and emotions.

  • Be there for those in your proximity, whether through talking or providing help.

  • Become part of a community to share, express and talk. We can understand and provide comfort when we are with others who have had similar experiences.

  • Do what is in your control and power. We have choices within us to decide how to think and what to do to make the right choices for our own well-being and self-care.

  • Be aware of what you are thinking. Paying attention to emotions and feelings allows us to notice what is serving us.

  • Ask yourself what you need. We often forget about our own needs; some things are in our control, so we focus on those.

  • Create mindful moments, from sitting in silence to going for a walk.


We may not be able to fix everything, but we can start building awareness and action steps to help us deal with what has happened and regain control despite external situations.



I recently heard someone say that we are bigger than the jobs we do and have a bigger life to fill. Significant life events remind us about this, and with that, we can be forever changed.


I have experienced a series of events in my life where I saw despair and where I have experienced sorrow. After these events, I have observed that those consumed by the hatred are forever scarred by them. Those who chose to grow from those painful events could go through life with a grace that comes from the wisdom of experiences.


“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” (Maya Angelou)

 

Written by MONICA MAHI MATHIJS - COO of Reach Outstanding




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