Struggling with a Toxic Boss? Here’s What You Need to Know

Imagine waking up already anxious about what mood your boss will be in today. Will you get a passive-aggressive comment in your inbox before your morning coffee? Will your contributions be ignored? Will they take credit for your work in the afternoon meeting? Will you get berated for doing a task differently than how the boss would do it?

For many, this isn’t hypothetical. It’s everyday life.

It’s no secret that toxic leadership is driving good employees out the door. In fact, according to LinkedIn’s latest Workforce Confidence survey, 70% of U.S. workers would quit their jobs because of a bad manager. We’ve been hearing stats like this for the last few decades.

You may feel like you're constantly being watched, second-guessed, or treated as though you're never good enough. Over time, this wears you down. You may start to question your skills, your instincts, and even your value as a professional.

This leads to reduced productivity, high turnover costs, and a weakened employer brand. For employees, the stakes are even higher: the stress of enduring toxic leadership can erode mental, emotional, and even physical well-being and scare away future leaders from stepping into management roles.

Let me be clear: this isn’t normal, and it’s not okay.

What Makes a Boss Toxic?

It’s important to distinguish between a demanding boss and a toxic one.

A demanding boss may set high expectations but also provide the support, resources, and recognition you need to succeed. You may feel stretched but you also feel seen, trusted, and appreciated. It’s a challenge, but you find yourself appreciating it and the growth you know is coming on the other side.

A toxic boss, on the other hand, makes you feel:

● Belittled as they dismiss ideas, use condescending language in front of others, or speak to you like you're incompetent.

●Invisible as your contributions go unacknowledged, or worse, consistently get acknowledged for being “wrong.”

● Fearful as you worry about retaliation for speaking up, or feel like you’re walking on eggshells daily.

● Drained as your energy goes toward coping with the behavior, rather than doing your best work.

Common toxic behaviors include:

● Micromanagement - Constantly hovering, nitpicking, or not trusting you to complete your work.

● Poor or hostile communication - Yelling, sarcasm, passive-aggressive emails, or unclear expectations.

● Playing favorites - Creating division and unfair advantages among team members, or punitive punishment for some while grace is offered to others.

● Gossip or triangulation - Sharing confidential information, spreading rumors, or pitting employees against each other.

● Manipulation of work - Changing work tasks in ways that cause confusion, not being invited to meetings, or portions of instructions being left out which result in failure.

If you’re unsure whether your boss is toxic or just tough, try taking this assessment. One key distinction is a demanding boss challenges you with respect, while a toxic one diminishes your sense of worth.

Steps to Protect Yourself

1. Document, Document, Document

Start keeping a journal or a digital file where you log troubling interactions. Note the date, time, what happened, who was present, and how it impacted your work or well-being.

Why does this matter? First, it validates your experience. Second, it creates a factual, non-emotional record that may be helpful if you need to escalate to HR or seek legal support. If your boss crosses the line into harassment or discrimination, documentation will be critical.

Pro tip: Save emails, messages, and calendar invites that support your case.

2. Set Clear Boundaries

Toxic behavior thrives when it goes unchecked. While it can feel intimidating, asserting yourself respectfully sets an important precedent. The earlier the better, by the way. It’s a lot easier to set boundaries the first time, versus two years later.

Here are a few scripts you might use:

● “I’m happy to receive feedback. It’s most helpful when delivered constructively.”

●“To ensure clarity, I’d appreciate it if expectations could be communicated more specifically.”

● “Please note that I’ll respond to emails that are written with professionalism and courtesy.”

Setting boundaries won’t always stop the behavior, but it does reinforce that you are not passive, and it discourages further mistreatment.

3. Find Your Allies

Don’t fall into the trap of going it alone.

Seek out coworkers you trust. They might be experiencing similar treatment, or at least have witnessed it. Having someone to talk to provides not just emotional relief, but also a clearer sense of reality.

Even better, allies can corroborate your documentation and will stand with you when it’s time to escalate the issue.

4. Approach HR Proactively and Strategically

The earlier you loop in HR, the better. Don’t wait until you’re in crisis mode. Start by describing the behavior factually and professionally. Frame it as a workplace productivity and morale issue rather than a personal gripe. Help them make a business case to address the behavior.

If you’ve already documented incidents, bring that record to support your case. If HR is unhelpful, which can happen, continue to escalate by citing the broader impacts: team disengagement, turnover risk, or even legal exposure for the company.

5. Plan Your Exit Strategy

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the toxic behavior doesn’t stop. When that happens, remember: you are allowed to leave. In fact, leaving may be the healthiest choice you can make.

Start exploring other opportunities, leverage your network, update your resume, and seek organizations that prioritize healthy workplace cultures.

You are not giving up. You are choosing yourself.

A Better Workplace Is Possible

Surviving a toxic workplace can feel like running a marathon on broken glass. But it doesn’t have to end in defeat. You can regain your confidence. You can rediscover your joy in work. And yes, you can heal.

There is so much research out there that emphasizes the lasting damage caused by toxic leadership. But there are also a lot of case studies proving that profound transformations occur when accountability, empathy, and clear boundaries are introduced. Organizations can shift, leaders can change, and employees can rebuild their professional lives with dignity and strength.

A Roadmap to Navigating Toxic Workplaces

If you’re nodding along and thinking, “This is exactly what I’ve been dealing with,” Navigating a Toxic Workplace For Dummies, is a comprehensive guide to identifying, coping with, and escaping toxic work environments. It’s packed with:

●      Real-world examples from the trenches

●      Step-by-step strategies for protecting yourself

●      Tools for building your confidence and resilience

●      Self-assessments, company assessments, and worksheets

●      Conversation scripts

●      Hundreds of tips, big and small

Whether you're a manager, HR, or individual surviving under a toxic boss, navigating workplace bullying, or just trying to make sense of a chaotic culture, this book is your guide.

You deserve to feel safe, valued, and respected at work. Let this be your first step toward reclaiming your dignity.

About the author

Catherine Mattice, MA, SPHR, SHRM-SCP, is the founder/CEO of Civility Partners, an organizational development firm focused on helping organizations create respectful workplace cultures and specializing in turning around toxic cultures. Civility Partners’ clients range from Fortune 500's to small businesses across many industries. Catherine is a TEDx speaker and an HR thought-leader who has appeared in such venues as USA Today, Bloomberg, CNN, NPR, and many other national news outlets as an expert. She’s an award-winning speaker, author and blogger, and has 50+ courses reaching global audiences on LinkedIn Learning. As a keynote speaker, Catherine's insights have transformed CEO’s of multinational companies, leaders of all levels in the US Marines and US Navy, and professionals in companies of all shapes and sizes. Her fourth book, Navigating a Toxic Workplace for Dummies (Wiley), is available on Amazon and where all books and audiobooks are sold.